Aces Sweeten the Pot

In a desperate attempt to fill some gaps in their depleted roster this year, local hockey team the Black Aces are rumoured to be offering some special signing bonuses to any eligible player who joins the team.

All this can be yours, potential Aces players.

Their most recent game, a 4-2 loss to the Battlers, sparked the new strategy as the boys in black attempted unsuccessfully to woo 2 fill-in players from the Warriors to the squad. Though they could not convince the new blood to join the team, a recruiting plan was born.

The size and awesomeness of the bonus follows a sliding scale, with more talented players potentially in line for some sweet sweet deals.

What can newly minted Aces players expect if they do ink a deal? This:

A high-scoring power forward: 

• Choice of spots in the dressing room 
• A ride to and from the game in a helicopter
• No ‘beer duties’. Ever. 
• Paulina Gretzky’s home phone number 

A hard-working utility winger: 

• A spot by the heater in the dressing room (unless taken by a high-scoring power forward)
• A ride to and from the game in a stretch hummer 
• First choice of the imported beer after the game
• Jennifer Hedger’s home phone number 
• A personalized inspirational pre-game mixtape by Raj C. 

A 50% winning percentage centreman: 

•  a fresh roll of black hockey tape 
• a ride to (but not from) the game in a Prius
• a signed copy of ‘Hockey Stories and Stuff’ by Don Cherry 
• Christie Blatchford's home phone number
• a new water bottle 

 A 60-ish beer league lifer with a successful landscaping business: 

• hand written directions to Phil White Arena 
• Stompin Tom’s ‘The Good Old Hockey Game’ on 8-track 
• Frank D’angelo’s home phone number

The Aces are hopeful that this new strategy will net them some fresh legs for the second half of the season, or as some on the team prefer to call it, 'ski season'.