Aces Execute Dangerous Slingshot Maneuvre in Bid for Sixth COTHL Title

In 1997 the Aces were a struggling bunch of young upstarts trying to find their way in an oldtimers’ hockey league that had been around more than 20 years already.

That same year, NASA launched its Cassini-Huygens probe to Saturn, some 1.2 Billion kilometers from earth. To get there, it would need to execute a ‘slingshot’ maneuvre around Venus (twice), the Earth and finally Jupiter. Skimming perilously close to each of these planets, the probe would use their gravitational fields to increase its speed in order to reach Saturn by 2010.

In 2017 the Cassini mission came to a spectacular end, with the little probe hurtling into Saturns atmosphere and burning up as it transmitted its last data back to earth.

In 2017 the Black Aces embarked on a mission of their own, as they began their attempt to capture an unprecedented 6th straight league title. In order to succeed, Aces engineers decided to execute their own slingshot maneuvre, using the black hole of Last Place to provide the gravity assist needed to propel the aging team into the finals once more.

As the team fell through the standings throughout the season, what looked to their opponents like failure was really just the Aces gathering momentum. With 2 games left in the season a software glitch sent them off course with 7-4 win over the Battlers, but they were thankfully able to course correct in their latest game, a 5-3 loss to the first place Wyse Guys. This “loss” enabled them to regain their lost momentum and unless something unforeseen happens in the final game of the regular season, the Aces should have all the momentum they need as they swing around the COTHL basement singularity and head for the playoffs.

Aces’ Chief Astrophysicist Pete S summed up the mission by saying “It’s a bunch of really big numbers, like math and shit. You probably wouldn’t understand.”

Like space stuff? Check out the Cassini site at NASA.  Image credit: NASA JPL from their collection of cool retro mission posters.

Aces Re-Enter Race for COTHL Title

Aces are coming, hockey суки

In a surprising move that pundits are still shaking their heads over, local hockey team the Black Aces have announced that they are re-entering the race for the COTHL overall title.

The team had previously, though unofficially, made it clear through their recent play that they had no intentions of contesting for the trophy this year after their unprecedented 5 year run. Although no official announcement was ever made, the Aces lack of offense, defense, consistency or work ethic sent a pretty clear signal to the rest of the league that the top spot was up for grabs.

Not any more.

Facing off against league rivals the Battlers, the Aces gave no indication that this game would be much different than so many that had been played this season. And yet by the final whistle the Battlers and  anyone else who had inadvertantly been watching the game would know: the Black Aces were back.

Final Score: Aces 7, Battlers 4. 2 goals each from Paul and Martin with singles from Bruce, Mike and Ralph. Solid D and goalkeeping. Crisp passing. Witty bench banter. This game was all Aces.

The Aces new Russian communications advisor spoke to your scribe after the game.

"All reporting of team playing bad to get draft pick is fake news." said Ilya Blogorski, dressed stylishly in a full length fur coat and mucklucks. "Plus, there was not any inconvenient touching of enemy players as reporting on CNN. This is lies.

"Plus also, all Aces comrades are fully clean from most of drugs, I am telling to you now.

"Also in addition, Aces are changing name to 'OAR': Old Aces Rejuvenated. This is I think good news, and will result in final victory of Old Time League of Cedarvale."

Aces defender and Advanced Analytics Specialist Al H said after the game that there is "a very high probaility" that the team would make the playoffs again this year in spite of their overall lacklustre performance.

Convalescing forward and team Workplace Gender Equality Officer Rod P released a special audio statement to the press the day following the win.

"The Aces are entering the playoffs from behind, but we are confident that we will come first. Our playoff run will be like a donkey punch to every other team in the league. I and all other Aces sidelined by injury, age or professional commitments fully support our on-ice brothers."