(d*5) + (f*8) = WG7 / BA5

On a night when the Aces iced 5 defensemen, how is it that their COTHL rivals the Wyse Guys were still able to score 7 times? It’s all about balance, I suppose.

On that note, please enjoy this video of a Scottish man demonstrating what can be accomplished with a fine sense of balance.



The details:

Mike K nabbed 2 goals while Rod, Ralph and last minute sub Paul M each counted one. Nice to see Paul back on the ice after some off-season knee surgery. For rehab Paul rode the route you see in the video whilst pulling his trailer full of hockey equipment, which shortened his recovery time significantly. Perhaps something similar is in order for next year's training camp?

Joe can put together a team bike trek in the Himalayas, so just let him know when you can make it to Kathmandu for the start so he can make arrangements. No? Maybe some balancing of a different kind might be more the Aces speed:

Praise Braam!

The twin suns Kaarn and Kuurn were already setting into the red hills of Sraac when Duurishnok dismounted his Strider, hastily tying the 6-legged beast to a weathered hitching post outside the observatory’s main entrance. The temperature was dropping and the animal was tired and in need of water, but he would have to tend to it later.

“You are late” said Aashnoki in a calm voice, as Duurishnok half strode, half stumbled into the Reading Room. “Again.”

“I’m sorry Your Grace. The sand creatures of Vraal were hunting this eve, I had to take evasive action crossing the Null Region and lost some time.” Duurishnok’s breathing was already laboured, but he added a few extra huffs for effect. He slung his blue Draalskin bag off his shoulder and settled into his seat at the Holy Control Panel.

“I see.” said the older man, gazing - without seeing, for he was stone blind - out the observatory’s massive main window into the deep red of the darkening sky. The crescent shape of the giant moon Aamroth was just beginning to show, while across the dark part of its surface the orange pinpoints of hundreds of active volcanoes could be seen. Beautiful but deadly fireflies in the night sky, coming closer each day. The end, said the High Priests of Naang, was no more than 6 sun cycles away now.

Duurishnok could feel the disapproving glare of his fellow Readers as he waited for his monitor to warm up. It was cold in the observatory. It was cold everywhere now, since the planet’s normal weather systems had been ruined by the immense gravitational pull of Aamroth - no longer in its proper orbit, his home world was in the end stages of a fatal dance with its single moon. They were now too far from the life-giving heat and light of Kaarn and Kuurn. Even the sand creatures of Vraal would soon be dead, but at least they would be spared the terror of the day the moon crashed into their world.

The monitor blinked to life. Duurishnok pulled his visor down and focused on the screen.

He could feel the presence of Aashnoki behind him as he tapped out the letters of the Sacred URL and hit the large round “Enter” button with 3 of his 7 fingers.

Duurishnok had no idea what “aceshockeyclub.blogspot.ca” signified, nor the meaning of the messages being transmitted to them across the light years of spacetime. The blind monks however seemed to think them of great importance and would pay many dozens of triins to have Readers like Duurishnok access the messages from the distant planet Earth. That planet must surely be dead by now, thought Duurishnok, so long ago were the messages transmitted. Soon we will be joining them.

“Please confirm the previous results” said Aashnoki “We have determined that there is a high probability of error in the last transmission, possibly due to timeline contamination.”

“Wyse Guys eight....” Duurishnok squinted at the tiny screen.

“Yes? And?” There was a slight quiver in the old monk’s voice.

“Aces... zero. Shall I read the full entry, your grace?”

“No, that won’t be necessary. Thank you. Is there another entry after that?”

Duurishnok executed an intricate series of key presses on his 400-character keypad and the screen flickered and refreshed itself. “Yes, your grace. We have another entry. Praise Braam!”

“Praise Braam!” The words echoed around the reading room as the other Readers repeated the phrase and left their stations to crowd around Duurishnok and his screen.

“Please read the entry now.” The cold room fell silent but for the sound of the wind howling outside.

“Warriors... five.” The sound of a dozen men holding their breath.

“Aces... nine.” The sound of a dozen men exhaling at once. “Praise Braam!!” someone shouted, and the cry was taken up immediately by the others.

“Silence!” Aashnoki’s command was enough to halt the celebration. “Please, read out the names of the heroes.”

Duurishnok leaned into his screen and carefully checked its contents before speaking.

“Raad... 2 goals. Maark... 3 goals. Raalph... 3 goals.”

“Are you sure?” asked the blind monk “This is highly unusual. We have not heard this name in a great while.”

“Yes, your grace. There can be no mistake - Raalph, 3 goals.”

“Go on then, there should be one more.”

“Djoee Two-Names had one goal. Also, the one called Aaabry was again in the position of Keeper. A brave performance.”

“Thank you Reader Duurishnok. You have performed well. An extra 20 triins in your pay packet this week. I pray to Braam that we continue to receive such excellent news from the planet Earth. Praise Braam.”

“Praise Braam” mumbled the Readers, as the fires of Aamroth glowed in the night sky overhead.

Aces Win (just not in this timeline)

"I enjoy the non-linear nature of ice hockey as well as its utility in rendering quantum theory as a framework for ontically noncommittal causal inference."

Fans of this blog will also no doubt be fans of science (naturally) and will have heard of the “Many Worlds” theory of quantum physics. For the non-science fans and the forwards in the crowd, the MWT states that every time a random event occurs the universe splits into separate universes, or timelines, one each for each possible outcome of that event. For instance, if a certain hockey team lost a game, say, 8-0, there would also exist other timelines where that score did not happen - one for each possible outcome.

My personal take on this theory is that the total amount of positive and negative energy in each universe / timeline must balance. So a negative event is balanced out by a positive event. For example Doug Ford loses the Toronto mayoral election and local politics becomes boring again (a bad outcome) but then he runs for Ontario PC party leader and we get to laugh at him for a while longer (a good outcome). See how that works?

In this timeline, a certain hockey team did in fact lose 8-0 to a team with red sweaters. That was bad, I think we can all agree. On the other hand news out of West Africa is that the Ebola virus is now in retreat. Which pretty much evens the score.

What about those other timelines though? What happened in the alternate universes where the score was not 8-0? It just so happens that your scribe and blog host has some friends at the Perimeter Institute in Waterloo, who happen to be working on a sophisticated mathematical equation capable of determining specific events happening in alternate timelines. They kindly agreed to use the new equation to see what happened under all the alternate hockey scenarios from last week.

Here are the results. For those interested (looking at you, defensemen) there is an excellent seminar next tuesday that covers some of the theory involved. Let me know if you want to carpool to Waterloo.

If physics lectures are not your cup of tea, there's always this episode of "Community".

Timeline	Game Result	Balancing event
This one	WG 8, Aces 0	Ebola in retreat.
1	WG 7, Aces 1	Branson buys the Aces
2	WG 6, Aces 2	All the new sweaters fit
3	WG 5, Aces 3	Ferris returns his sweater
4	WG 4, Aces 4	Partly cloudy, high of 10 degrees.
5	WG 3, Aces 5	Warm post-game beer
6	WG 2, Aces 6	Don Cherry contract extension
7	WG 1, Aces 7	U2 double album mandatory listening
8	WG 0, Aces 8	Recount. Doug Ford wins.

Richard Branson to Buy Aces HC

In the wake of last week’s disastrous crash of Virgin Galactic’s Spaceship Two (now re-christened “Spaceship None”), Virgin founder Richard Branson has announced that he intends to purchase local hockey team the Black Aces.

We'll use this to fly beer into the Aces games.

In a post-crash news conference, Branson stunned assembled media and industry analysts by making the surprise announcement.

“This has nothing to do with friday’s crash” said a composed Branson, sipping an iced tea and riffling a stack of hundred dollar bills as he faced the cameras at Spaceport America (to be re-christened “Aceport America”), the launch facility for Virgin Galactic. “I’ve had my eye on the Aces for some time now. However the timing is fortuitous.”

Long time followers of this blog may recall an earlier attempt by Branson to purchase the team was thwarted by the Canadian government. It now seems that other events (*cough*ISIS*cough*) have pushed the Aces sale into the background and this time it's a go.

Branson says he intends to overhaul the Virgin Galactic spacecraft’s controversial propulsion system, currently based on nitrous oxide and much criticized by the aerospace industry for its alleged safety issues. “We’ll be powering the next generation spacecraft not with nitrous, but with something far more powerful: the incredible grit and testosterone-fuelled energy of the Black Aces. I believe this energy source will revolutionize the way we travel to space. Perhaps even change the course of human history.”

The Aces, explained Branson in a 45 slide Powerpoint presentation, were somehow generating an intense and sustained form of pure energy that he said could be harnessed to act as a propulsive fuel for Spaceship Three (to be re-christened “Aceship Three”).

“Did you see their latest game?” asked Branson to a puzzled group of reporters and officials. “They refused to lose. The Battlers tried to intimidate them into submission but it could not be done. The Aces turned on their mysterious power source and burned the Battlers in the final minute to take a 2-1 victory. It was a show of aggressive manliness the likes of which I have never witnessed anywhere else. I was a little turned on if you must know.”

Independent reports confirmed that the Aces did defeat a physical Battlers squad on goals by Rod and Pete, though Pete’s goal was in fact the result of a point shot from Aces blogger-in-chief Jeff bouncing off his (hockey) equipment. Some solid goaltending by this week’s guest netminder John (to be re-christened “Goalie”) aided the cause on the back end, as did new D recruit Pete (to be re-christened “D-Pete”).

The Aces' record now stands at 5-1.