Aces make the most of additional bench space

Bench strength comes in many forms

In their most recent COTHL contest, local hockey team the Black Aces came up a little short in the personnel count but managed to make creative use of the additional space on the bench.

Normally packed with black-shirted manly men, the team bench this week had ample room for the players to really push the envelope on space utilization in an urban sporting context.

• Scribe Jeff M, in honour of the absent winger and cycling addict Paul M, managed to build an entire separated bike lane running the length of the bench. In true Toronto fashion the lane ended abruptly, forcing players and cyclists to merge suddenly and unsafely with on-ice traffic.
• Al H found a nice corner over by the sticks to winterize his sailboat and break in a new cabin boy.
• Ralph R set up an Octoberfest-themed beer hall, complete with Teutonic wenches in push-up bras serving plates of schnitzel and giant mugs of German lagers. Well done Ralph.
• Between shifts, Pete T conducted a drum clinic for inner city youth. On a related note, if anyone has seen Pete's rare Ludwig snare drum please contact him immediately.
• Call-up Mike organized a pot luck get together for the team, in order to introduce himself to his teammates. The guacamole was a huge hit, according to my sources.
• Rod P was unable to attend, but did send a strip-a-gram for the lads. Dawn Cherry performed a 45 minute burlesque / kabuki piece re-enacting the tragic Japanese Fukushima earthquake of 2011 until she was interrupted by a drunk (and possibly stoned) Zamboni Girl. Wearing a Mexican wrestling costume with “el Zambo” embroidered on the chest, ZG stormed the bench and wrestled Miss Cherry to the ground before the refs were called in to intervene. Each gal got a 4 minute penalty for slew-footing and a 10 minute lecture from Donny on the history of tripping infractions.
• Pete D (aka 3Pete) was somehow able to run a poker game in his area of the bench, taking a nice sum of $458 from 3 Wyse Guys players. Pete has kindly offered to donate the proceeds to the Aces Benevolent Fund. Thanks, Pete.

Aces players are reminded to submit their Bench Activity Request Forms no later than 48 hours before next week’s game.

Final score in this contest was 5-1 Red, due mainly to the SHORT BENCH. AHEM.

Aces Honour Former Leader With Victory, Hat-Trick, Pete-Trick

Someone has a new right hand man...

This year, your favourite ice hockey club had to bid farewell to founder and long-time spiritual mentor and inspiration Aubrey S. No longer an active player, Aubrey is now watching over the team from afar and this is apparently having a positive effect.

In their most recent outing the Aces put together a solid team effort, dominating the Warriors in all departments and skating away with a 9-3 victory.

Team Kite Surfing Specialist Joe P has decided to compress his entire year's goal quota into 2 games, as he is scheduled to fly to Mexico next week. A 3 goal outburst this week gets added to a single from last week as Joe shows who has the hot hand on the team so far this year.

"I did it all for Aubrey" said Joe after the game, fighting back his emotions. "He has been an inspiration to me throughout my Aces career. God bless that man."

Team Snake Wrangler Ralph R also bagged a pair to add to Joe's hat trick, and also attributed his outstanding performance to his former teammate. "Every time I get near the net now, I see Aubrey's face and I just fire the puck as hard as I can." noted Ralph, definitely not drinking a beer in the dressing room after the game. "It's like some kind of miracle."

In another possibly miraculous turn of events, all three Petes (Pete S, Pete T and newcomer Pete D, or '3Pete') also scored goals this night in what shall henceforth be referred to as a "Pete-Trick".

"I felt Aubrey's hands on my stick tonight" said team Exobiologist Pete S "And I mean that in a totally platonic, sports-related way. Then, once he let go, I scored a goal. I don't know how else to explain it."

Defenceman and team rhythmic gymnast Pete T also apparently had some kind of supernatural experience, saying afterwards that he could "feel a divine presence on the ice" with him as he inexplicably found himself in front of the Warriors' net, far from his actual position on the blue line. "I closed my eyes and thought of Aub, and the puck went in. Praise be to Aub."

When asked about his contribution to the Pete-Trick, 3Pete confirmed the other Petes' reports of some kind of holy event. "Being a strict empiricist in the classical sense and big fan of David Hume, I've never been much of a believer in 'unexplained' phenomena... until now. I felt a sense of destiny as I got close to the net like I've never felt before, as if a greater power were directing me. My life has purpose now. All hail the mighty Aub."

For those wishing to take part, there will be a short prayer service and animal sacrifice in the dressing room before the Aces' next game. Apostates and Aub-less Heathens stay away lest ye be smote unto dust by his holiness. Amen.