Black Aces Continue to Rule COTHL, Now Tied for Second Place

The Black Aces HC continued their total and complete domination of the 2009-2010 Cedarvale Oldtimers Hockey League this week, and after an impressive win over the fourth place Bloor Battlers now find themselves perched high atop a tie for second place in the four team league.


“We totally smacked those bitches down” said team ethnologist “Funky” Al Heavenrich after the game. “They was hurtin', y'all.”

The Aces spread out the scoring in their 5-2 win, with goals coming from Brian, Aubrey, Bruce, Ralph, and your host. In spite of an ice surface that closely resembled the texture of a chutney squishy the Aces managed to power their way through for the 2 points, securing their stranglehold on second place along with the Warriors.

"We are clearly the class of the league this year" said team topiary expert Ralph "Bushtrimmer" Rosmarin. "And the other three teams will be forced to acknowledge this just as soon as we take over first place. Which won't be long now. Seriously."

The Battlers squad continue to struggle this season, taking out their frustration over their winless streak on the Aces in the final minute of the game with a shameful display of fisticuffs. All to no avail, sadly, as by this time the Aces had the game and their partial lock on second place firmly in hand.

Next week: beer will be supplied by Jeff. Not Barry. Jeff. Deal with it.

Aces Dominate Decimated Warriors Squad

In their latest Cedarvale Oldtimers’ Hockey League matchup, a tenacious Aces HC came away with a close win against a depleted Warriors team. The Warriors, currently sitting in first place in league standings, were without some of their most potent weapons and so had to ice replacement players of questionable calibre.



Warriors call-ups included a kitten, a three-legged dog, and an elderly blind nun skating on the first line. Their second line, however, was not quite as strong as they were only able to dress Stephen Hawking, Hazel McCallion and Jason Blake of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Blake was benched for the third period due to poor play.

The Warriors D was also not at full strength. Their best player on the night turned out to be a bowl of warm cheese, which managed to outplay some of the regulars in their line-up while slowing down many of the Aces' forwards.

No change in goal for the Warriors, although they did have a backup keeper on standby (a crumpled bowler hat on a stick).

Aces snipers: 2 for Andrew, 1 for Bruce and 1 for Art and his shiny new equipment. Aces D-man Jeff plonked an own-goal off his skate to bring the Warriors within one in the 3rd period, but we won’t talk about that.

The Aces were without their #1 tough guy Barry, which may explain why the Warriors tried to start a kerfuffle after the final whistle had blown. As these incidents go it wasn't much of one, as Hazel McCallion really can't throw a punch the way she used to.

Final score: Aces 4, Warriors taxi squad 3.

Terribly Rude Aces Team Refuses to Lose Like Gentlemen

In a frightfully dreadful turn of events on wednesday last, local ice hockey squad the Black Aces displayed terribly bad manners by refusing to concede defeat to their hosts, the Wyse Guys. This was in spite of clearly being behind by a pair of goals on two separate occasions during the match. Such a display of rudeness simply cannot be tolerated in a gentlemen's ice hockey league! Not only did the Aces fail to throw in the team towel whilst clearly behind in the game, they did so in a manner most unbecoming for sportsmen over the age of 40.

Shamefully applying pressure in the Wyse Guys end, the Aces used their superior physical conditioning to mount two separate comeback efforts, tying the game at threes and again at fives. Fortunately time expired, thwarting this team of upstarts from possibly engaging in further acts of ungentlemanly conduct.

League officials have been duly notified of this reprehensible conduct and have decided to hold an emergency meeting one fortnight hence at the Queen and Beaver Public House in order to decide a suitable punishment for this upstart team of hooligans. In the meantime, Aces players are advised to conduct themselves in a manner more in keeping with the spirit of the Cedarvale Oldtimers Hockey League. Further outbursts of unsavoury determination may result in fines of as much as three shillings sixpence. You have been warned.

Socialist Work Ethic Result in Glorious Victory for Black Aces HC

Comrades, I am please to provide game report from most recent ice hockey match for team of Black Aces. After the last week lose like bunch of little girl (almost no shot! Very bad!) team is now play with proper socialist attitude and result in big victory of 8 to 3 on Battlers at Bloor team.

Normal goaltending player absent, but replace with team tractor machinist Aubrey Springovitch for adequate performing. Period one and two, game remain tight! Like anus of Siberian muskrat! Aces team play in correct collectivist technique but still not conquering enemy fully. In period two, is unselfish perform by Bryanski getting 2 goals on same shift. Team of Bloor Battle make quite sad and must then realize Aces have superior method of ice hockey!

In 3 period, Aces play according to principles of Collectivist Ice Hockey Federation and score again 4 time! Passing good! Shooting good! Defending also good! Many player score now, and Bloor Battle again more sad but excepting crazy bad man at defense who skate with angry selfish style. But not scoring!

List of honourable playing is:

Bryanski - 2 scoring!
Josef - 2 scoring also!
Mikael - 2 scoring, with glorious total rink skating for one!
Richolai - 1 scoring!
Brucekovski - 1 scoring!

For such make excellent hockey, all Aces player receiving extra potato in pay next month.

Team Scribe Fails to Deliver Game Report

In an unexpected turn of events, the Black Aces' team scribe somehow failed to deliver the weekly report for the October 28 game.

In a similar turn of events, that game made it to the final minute of play before the Aces delivered a meaningful shot on goal.

Coincidence?

Shut out for 44 of 45 minutes and down 3 goals to the Battlers, the Aces scored their 4th backhand goal in a row (dating back to the previous match on the 21st) on a shot by... Brian? Pretty sure about that one.

Team scribe Jeff McCartney had no excuse for not completing the game report, really. "Busy" he said. "Really busy. Don't tell Pervin though, ok? That guy scares me."

Aces players had no excuse for their sub-par effort, really. "Crappy" said team spiritual guide Aubrey Spring. "Really crappy. We're hoping for better next game but who knows? It's a crapshoot. No pun intended."

McCartney promises to deliver a proper game report this week, but only if the Aces deliver a proper game to report on.