Aces Conserve Energy in Latest Win

Aces top line on November 6

In an effort to join the movement to a greener society, local hockey team the Black Aces successfully implemented a new 'low energy' strategy in their latest game. The team managed to extend their winning streak with an efficient 4-2 win over the Wyse Guys, putting out just enough wattage to ensure the victory.

"We're all very concerned about climate change on this team" said team sitar tuner Joe P. after the game "so we do our part to keep our energy expenditures as low as possible."

To the casual eye the Aces no doubt appeared to be coasting through the second and most of the third periods. In actual fact the team was merely keeping their energy output in check in order to not contribute to Canada's notoriously poor greenhouse gas emissions record.

"Knowing what I know about the Oil Sands and climate change, I can't in good conscience ignore my own contributions to our record as a nation" said team aromatherapist Mike K. "I feel guilty whenever I put out more than 1500Kj on a shift. I keep thinking about those poor polar bear cubs, and I have to slow down."

Not a polar bear cub in sight.

It seems however that it is mainly the veteran players on the team that have these selfless concerns for the environment. The newer, younger players have apparently decided to say "fuck you" to Mother Earth and continue to play at a high energy output, effectively damning future generations to a stormy, violent nightmare world where roving gangs of mutants battle one another for supremacy in the crumbling remains of our once great cities.

Mark L, for instance, singlehandedly doomed the 5 remaining specimens of Coates Island Murres with his selfish 3 goal performance.

"Why Mark? Why?"

Paul M, another newcomer, may have scored the winning goal, sure, but also showed blatant disregard for our fragile arctic habitat by burning through at least 5000Kj in the 3rd period alone. Shameful. Sure he may have bicycled to the game with his equipment and everything but that does not make up for his reckless performance on the ice.

The worst offender though had to be goalie and Young Person Kevin T. While the rest of the Aces were treading/skating lightly on the earth, young Kevin continued to blithely burn through untold kilojoules of energy as he turned aside shot after shot in the Aces net. Energy, may I remind you, that can ultimately be traced back to fossil fuel sources.

If this is how the next generation shows concern for the planet, then friends, we are truly doomed as a species.

Next game is wednesday, I have the beer.