Sunday, February 17, 2013

Aces Win Triggers Celestial Fireworks Display by God Himself

Last week it was United States President Barack Obama giving some unexpected praise to local hockey team the Black Aces, this week it seems the team has caught the attention of God Himself.

As most of the world prepared for the uncomfortably close fly-by of asteroid 2012 DA14, a second more spectacular event took place in the skies over the Siberian city of Chelyabinsk. A 7000 ton chunk of space rock broke apart over the city, shattering windows with a sonic boom and providing a spectacular display of celestial pyrotechnics.

"This event it is spektakular, yes!" shouted local potato salesman Dmitri Popwunov over the sound of sirens, as paramedics rushed to treat the over 1,000 local people injured by shattering glass "And kan mean only one thing - Black Aces have won second victory in row! God is very please!"

In fact, Russian scientists are in agreement, confirming that it was indeed God who sent the meteorite to earth and not some minor sky deity like, say Egyptian god Horus, who is clearly too old and tired to have pulled off something this big. "We are confirming yes, was Christian God sending big rock to explode over our city." said Russian nuclear scientist and quantum theologian Viktor Hametov "No way can be some little shit god like Horus who cannot even make fart any more. Beside, Horus big fan of Warriors and Aces defeat Warriors 4-1 like playing against little girl team. God very happy for Aces, yes."

 

The 4-1 victory was indeed the blackshirts second W in as many weeks, as the team made excellent use of a couple of call-ups from the farm club in Don Mills, both of whom tallied for the Aces. The other 2 goals were scored by Rod and Ralph, and the Aces D men shut the Warriors down almost completely.

Team astrophysicist Aubrey S provided solid goaltending all night long as regular goalie Raj C was in hospital having several dozen tattoos of former girlfriends' names lasered off. Other notable absences:

Simon: in Ghana for the 2nd week in a row, working on a Harlem Shake video
Rich: trapped in a hot tub in the Rockies
Brian: still thinks the games are on thursday
Paul: contract negotiations are stalled
Joe 2N: did not finish ironing Kathleen Wynne's pantsuits in time for the game
Joe H: busy recruiting massage therapists for off-season training camp
Bruce: has been asked to consult on selection of new pope

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