God Abandons Tim Tebow in Favour of Obscure Canadian Hockey Player

Tebow tries his best to make a "W". A sign?

In an unexpected turn of events that Evangelical Christians across the United States are describing as ‘unexpected’, God, Creator of the Entire Universe and Everything In It, has unexpectedly transferred his apparently limited sporting allegiance from NFL quarterback Tim Tebow to a little-known beer league hockey player in Toronto Canada.

“I was getting tired of that Tebow character” God is reported to have Said. “All that kneeling and stuff, and the bible verses in the eye black, what is that all about? Besides, football is gay, and everyone knows I hate fags, right? Just kidding! Relax, for My sake. I don't hate the gays. You can edit that out, right?”

But football IS kind of gay.

Had Tebow supporters and bookies across America been paying more attention to the Cedarvale Oldtimers’ Hockey League last week, they would have known that his miraculous run was about to end. The Black Aces finally ended their 3 game tying streak with a 3-1 victory over the Bloor Battlers in spite of being without their all star goaltender Raj C. While this alone may fall somewhat short of qualifying as a miracle on ice, it was the continued goal scoring flurry of Aces winger and double shoulder amputee Rich W that puts the result solidly in the Deity Influenced Sporting Victory category.

In spite of seriously impaired shoulder mobility, Rich was able to pot his third goal in the last two games. He modestly attributed his success to the recent acquisition of a new carbon fiber stick, never realizing that all along it was God Himself who was guiding his hand.

“I’m not a religious man” said Rich after being told of the Divine influence on his recent scoring prowess “but thank God we had God on our side that night. I’m just sorry that millions of Christian football fans across the United States had to be disappointed on saturday.”

Experts currently disagree whether or not God will continue to bestow His bounty upon Rich and the Aces Hockey Club, but the current betting line on this week’s game is Aces by 10.