A big thank you to Special Guest contributor this week, Raj "Raj" Chockalingam, Aces' back-up scribe.
In a stunning development that is spanning multiple sports, star athletes around the globe are disappearing in the midst of scandal and intrigue. First we had the explosive scandal surrounding golf’s Teflon superstar Tiger Woods disappearing into a wake of ladies that all look like his wife (I know right). And now this, Aces' scribe and top 4 blueliner, not to mention, COTHL historian has disappeared in the most bizarre of fashions. Lets take a look at these two parallel situations and their potential ramifications on sport, the global economy and life as we know it.
First, Tiger Woods, since his was the first situation to rip through the media. By now, most of you know the basics of this story. I won’t revisit the particulars as most are familiar and I can’t keep up with the body count. Suffice to say, the PGA without Tiger has put on a brave face and has no fears of smaller prize purses and smaller TV audiences. When asked for comment golf nut Mike “Drive for Show, Putt for Dough” King had this to say “Oh yeah, we can all relate to the average PGA golfer, guys like ‘Trust Fund Jones III’ and ‘Prep School Pete Moneybags’ – give me a break.” Also chiming in was noted Fairway fanatic Art with these sage words “Tigers fist pump or Phil’s super manly tough guy tip of the cap – I’m not even going to dignify that question.” It seems clear to this reporter that Tiger will be missed until his return, whenever that might be. (Editor’s note: See you in April during the Masters, you know that tournament that he owns).
Now for the far more interesting development: Where’s Waldo, er-I mean, where’s Jeff McCartney? This disappearing act is far more bizarre than Tiger’s and even shorter than an Ottawa Senators “playoff run”. In what has been a routine season for the Aces of taking their sweet time getting back to first place everything seemed to be running smoothly. The beer duties were being rotated through the team, which seems to be where our mystery begins. In a week where two sets of beer arrived, it was decided Jeff would bring again the next week, he did and hasn’t been seen since. One has to wonder if this is where it all went wrong. Jeff’s absence has had many strange outcomes. First, since the event Molson has come out with their 67 beer, is it a shot at the Leafs, only Jeff knows. The actual Leafs have been on a streak due to some unknown catalyst, what is it, only Jeff knows. (Editors note: Jeff probably had nothing to do with these things but I couldn’t think of another way to mention them). Last night players from all four teams came to the early game. When asked for comment, Bruce ‘the Moose” Harbinson said “Look I read the write-up to figure out whats going on and …wait, this isn’t about that lazy rosterbot – NO COMMENT!” Others have questioned if the games are even valid without a writeup, poignant pugilist Barry Pervin on Jeff’s absence “Listen my job is to keep the other team in line, especially ‘you know who’ and he was pretty quiet all night, so yeah I did my job” and then he crushed another empty on his head. Weird I know.
So there you have it. Two sports, two stars missing. Well, maybe one isn’t that relevant or interesting, but no one watches golf till April anyway.
(Final Editors note: Aces won – again! Happy Holidays.)
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