In a stunning breakthrough, the recently completed Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland set a world record when it accelerated twin proton beams to an energy of 1.18 TeV (teraelectronvolts), surpassing the record of 0.98 TeV set in 2001 by the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory Tevatron collider in the U.S. Physicists at the LHC facility are now reporting that this massive energy release has somehow created a 'rift in the spacetime continuum', which until now had been a fictional pseudo-scientific phenomenon from the Star Trek television show.
"This is most unusual" reported LHC Chief Physicist Dexter McNerdlinger "Not only has a formerly nonsensical dramatic device somehow become real, it appears to have had a strange effect on world events. Just look at these headlines from the BBC World News Service:"
"Ceasefire Announced in Afghanistan"
"Rainfall Across Australia"
"Steven Harper Falls Into Tar Sands - Search Called Off"
"Somalian Pirates Lay Down Weapons, Take up Fishing"
"Toronto Hockey Blogger Wins Pullitzer Prize for Literature"
"Black Aces Take Over First Place"
"It's incredible, isn't it?" said Nerdlinger "Like the world has suddenly regained its sanity, and everything is happening just the way it ought to. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get home - my supermodel wife has promised me an evening of carnal delights such as would make a sultan blush."
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