Planet X, as it’s being called is large (the size of Neptune) and dark. Like, black dark. So dark in fact that it could be some time before even the most powerful telescopes are able to detect what little light it reflects from the distant sun, and even more time before they discover the its true identity as... The Planet of the Aces.
That’s right, people. The Black Aces HC are currently using Planet X as their off-season, off-world training camp and storage depot. Oh, the clues were there all along for anyone who cared to look. If we compare the periodicity of the orbits of the planet and the 6 icy planetoids in the Caltech study with the similarly wonky orbits of many Aces players, we can see some similarities.
Look at this diagram:
Now compare with this:
Coincidence? I think not. Look how closely these match! Mathematical analysis of the frequencies with which these players show up for games definitely reveals a 1:1 correlation between the 15,000 year orbit of Planet X (so-called) and the Aces long swings between respectability and horribleness. I mean come ON.
So what are the Aces storing on their now discovered planet?
- Old Aces sweaters
- Pucks
- Wadded up tape
- 3 Gigaliters of Old Speckled Hen
- Cryogenically frozen backup goaltenders (all frozen at age 39)
- Old Aces (RIP Artie, Mo, Bob, Kevin, Paul and the rest)
As the orbital algorithm clearly predicts, the Aces are currently on one of their wide swings away from Good Hockey, having dropped their most recent 2 games to the Battlers and Wyse Guys. Let's hope the gravitational pull of the COTHL playoffs brings the team a little closer to the Win column in the upcoming weeks.
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