Aces, Ice-Holes Stun Warriors

In their November 14 game, COTHL team the Black Aces pulled out a surprisingly one-sided victory against a heavily favoured  Warriors squad. 

A dejected Warriors team could barely muster the energy to open their Molson 67 ‘beers’ after the game, so disheartened were they to lose 6-1 to a team one Warrior allegedly described as ‘a bunch of geezers’.  Meanwhile in the Aces room the winners were busy shotgunning tallboys and re-enacting all the best scenes from Fight Club like real men.

“We just couldn’t get it going tonight” said a sad-faced Warriors player after the game, trying without success to crush his ’67 can. “Every time we put some pressure on we had to stop to repair a hole in the ice. It was like we were cursed or something.”

Regarding the poor ice conditions, this reporter has learned that there may have been more to it than dumb luck. Sources that cannot be named have come forward to say that the Aces pre-game routine now eschews a chalk talk and random ski reports for a more focused agenda of direct appeal to various deities, gods, saints, and demons. Unconfirmed reports have the men in black performing the following rituals in the days leading up to wednesdays:

Aubrey: prays to Saint Plante, patron saint of backup goaltenders

Ralph: sacrifices a raccoon in honour of Erishkigal, Sumerian goddess of the underworld

Joe 2 Names: performs a ritual fire dance to favour Ometeotl, Aztec god of duality (which gives him the ability to play either forward or defense)

Simon: provides vintage pornography to Sven, Norse god of ice-holes, pictured below.

mina kulor är frysta fast

Goal scorers: Toshi, Bruce (2), Rich, Brian, and maybe Joe.

Other highlights

The Aces once again wave goodbye to team sponsor and vicarious lifestyle provider Joe P as he jets off to warmer climes to continue his new career as hotel chambermaid ‘trainer’. 

Be nice to Brian M this week if he lines up facing the wrong way. He may not be fully recovered from taking a huge hit to the noggin in last week’s game. Just turn him around to face the other team’s net and he’ll be good to go.