Everyone knows Ford is a dedicated football coach, guiding troubled young men away from gangs and criminal activity and towards more wholesome pursuits like bashing skulls and showering together, but few know that Rob also takes the time to mentor another group of socially challenged athletes.
That's right, Rob Ford is the coach of the Black Aces.
Oh sure, he may not actually attend the games, but his spirit inspires every Aces player in much the same way the spirit of the late Kim Jong Il must now be inspiring every North Korean to strive for greatness (and the South Korean border).
Here is a partial list of Coach Ford's accomplishments so far this season:
- successfully replaced post-game gravy with real beer
- removed 90 feet of bike lanes from the middle of the Cedarvale Arena ice surface
- Aces now ice 25% fewer players than opposing teams while still maintaining hold on first place
- secured Mexican operations base for mid-season rejuvenation program
- blamed David Miller for all past losses
Point #3 was amply illustrated in the Aces most recent game against the Battlers, a hard-fought contest that saw a depleted Aces bench (5 forwards and 3 D) hold a feisty Battlers squad (2 full lines plus 4 D) off the score sheet for most of the game. The final score was regrettably 1-1, thanks not only to Mayor Ford's divine guidance but also to another standout game between the pipes for Aces netminder Raj C.
"Do the math" said a gloating Ford after the game, via cell phone. "They had 10 skaters, we had 8. That's like only half as many, so really we won 2-1. Hey! Get outta the bike lane asshole, that's my lane!"
If this trend continues the Aces should win 150% of their remaining games this season.
 |
| Do the math! |
No comments:
Post a Comment