Aces Hacked by Russian Cyber Criminals

Canadian security officials have revealed that local hockey team the Black Aces were recently the victims of a sophisticated cyber-attack, similar in nature to the many attacks on well-known multinational retailers in 2014, like Home Depot, Kmart and Staples. 

Hacker may not be exactly as shown

In the previous attacks, hackers were able to gain access to to sensitive customer information, including credit card numbers and other personal details. The Russian underground cyber criminals responsible for the Aces attack were no doubt counting on a similar payoff when they focused their evil algorithms on the Aces formidable hardened data centre, world-renowned for its impregnability. 

Your Intrepid Aces Reporter, through confidential sources, has managed to track down the chief black hat programmer responsible for crafting the deadly virus that was able to breach the Aces’ digital defenses. The following is an abridged transcript of a skype conversation held over secure channels in the days following the attack. The true identity of the hacker cannot be revealed, so in this transcript he is identified only as “Viktor.”

IAR: hello, Viktor, are you there? I only see a black screen. 

Viktor: Yes, I em here. I have black Harry Potter wizard hat covering camera. Is for protection. 

IAR: Yes, of course. What can you tell me about the operation against the Black Aces? 

Viktor: Well, was bit of embarrassment, actually. We are thinking such high secure data centre must containing valuable informations. So we attack. Was not easy to get through Aces’ defense, is everyone knowing that already. Very tough. But, with time and much computing power we are able to finally enter. 

IAR: And what sort of information did you find once you got past the Aces’ defenses? 

Viktor: Was... curious. List of backup goalies, scanned receipt from somewhere calling ‘Rodney’s Oyster House’, video of very bad very drunk old men play Rolling Stones with guitar and drum. Very shitty. My boss very mad.  

IAR:  So you found nothing of value at all? 

Viktor: Nyet. Is complete useless waste in time. As revenge, I decide to make game plan for Aces enemy, Warriors. Using plan are able to have victory over black hockey team, is certain. So they are losing 2 goals to 4 against Warriors. Fuck Aces, they are skating now like devochki. And fuck their shitty data also.  Oy, I must go - is boss coming. Do svidaniya.

There you have it, readers. The Aces go down 4-2 to the Warriors, but only because of some dirty espionage and hacking by evil Russian computer criminals. Goals by Mark and Joe D during a late game surge were not enough and the Aces record falls to 4-1.