With the decade almost over and the 2020s about to begin, your humble Black Aces HC scribe thought it would be appropriate to consult a well-known psychic to see what 20-20 visions could be seen for the future of the club. The following is a brief history of the future of the Aces as told to me by Madame Zamboni, professional psychic and mother of Aces superfan Zamboni Girl. Her predictions (extrapolated from the Aces' 2-2 tie with the Battlers in their final game of the decade) have been paraphrased due to her thick Torontonian accent.
2020 - the Aces achieve greatness again, as they slip into the playoffs and somehow surprise everyone else in a 4 team league by putting it all together for the final 2 games of the year. Goalie John, his ruined catching finger finally healed, returns just in time to lead the team with consecutive shutouts. The Aces get their name on the cup for a sixth time, but the cup is lost in July when Al drops it over the starboard side of his sailing sloop into the depths of Lake Superior.
2022 - President Trump decrees that all NHL players in U.S. cities must be ‘naturally born Americans, no foreigners. They are not sending their best, believe me.’ The Aces pick up several Canadian ex-pros including Mitch Marner, although Morgan Rielly does not crack the D lineup and has to join the Warriors instead. COTHL championship #7 for the Aces.
2028 - Advances in cybernetics enable formerly retired Aces Aubrey and Rich to return to active duty, Aubrey with robotic hips, shoulders, ankles and knees and Rich with an atomic-powered heart. The team cruises to championship #10. Prime Minister Ford presents the team with the Order of Canada and a lifetime supply of Black Aces stickers.
2030 - All air travel is banned in an effort to lower global greenhouse gas emissions, and Aces utility man Joe Himalaya is stranded at a ‘seniors only’ kite-surfing event in Hawaii. He makes it back to Toronto by kite-surfing the Pacific Ocean and hitch-hiking across Canada with his 22 year old girlfriend, just in time for the playoffs. The Aces slip into the playoffs and somehow surprise everyone else in a 4 team league by putting it all together for the final 2 games of the year. Championship #13 is in the books.
2035 - The COTHL switches to E-sports mode, made necessary when climate change makes it impossible to create ice. Phil White Arena is converted to a government marijuana grow-op. Zamboni Girl is hired as head of hydroponics but is fired after one week when she floods the entire crop in one night.
2040 - Canada annexes the good parts of the now disintegrating United States, moves the capital to Edmonton to take advantage of the balmy weather. Aces hire William Shatner as their official spokesman but have to suspend him when he beats the crap out of former U.S. President Bernie Sanders at the grand opening of a new Aces-themed Tim Hortons in Fort MacMurray. Toasters become sentient. The last remaining fish is purchased for $140 million by McDonald’s and then quickly processed into the last remaining fish sandwiches. The sandwiches are sold for $10 million each to Elon Musk, now living in an orbiting space station (SpaceStationX) with Baron Trump and a harem of cybernetic supermodels.
2060 - Roving bands of intelligent toasters hunt humans for sport. The Black Aces barricade themselves inside their world headquarters, formerly Ferro on St. Clair Avenue. Now fabulously wealthy from their E-sport winnings, the Aces cut a deal with the toasters - 600 kilos of fresh raisin bread in exchange for safe passage to the Aces orbiting space station (formerly SpaceStationX), where all ex-Aces players are kept in cryogenic suspension until the start of the playoffs. Once aboard the station, the Aces revive their frozen teammates, then slip into the playoffs and somehow surprise everyone else in a 4 team league by putting it all together for the final 2 games of the year.
For a past history of the Aces, please see this post:
https://aceshockeyclub.blogspot.com/2014/03/black-aces-hc-crush-cothl-competition.html
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