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| Look away, non-defenseman types. There's nothing for you here. |
First up, let’s all congratulate Al H on his latest successful patent. This one is for a new keel design for high performance sailboats that virtually eliminates cavitation at high speeds. As you know this has been a significant problem for the sport and has prevented racing craft from reaching their full potential. This might be a good time to buy more stock in Al’s company, I think this could be another winner.
Moving from sea to sky, I’m sure you’ve heard about the Chinese landing the Chang’e 4 spacecraft on the far side of the moon last week. What you didn’t hear about was the experiment that was on board, which included a sophisticated autonomous robot that will explore the surface and conduct soil sample analysis. That robot was built in his garage over the past year by none other than new Aces D-man Mike M. Look for his technical paper in upcoming issues of both Scientific Canadian and Defenseman Quarterly. Well done, Mike.
Welcome back to Simon this week, who has been working on completing his PhD the past couple of weeks (the illness was just a cover story, we don’t want to alarm the non-defensemen on the team by using big words or “ideas”). He successfully defended his thesis last week, which as you know was about using tensor networks as a new tool to describe strongly entangled quantum many-body systems. Great stuff! Simon will be presenting his paper in May at the Perimeter Institute in Waterloo.
I’m not sure I should even report this next piece since Pete T moved “up” to the forward line this week, but rumour has it that Mr T has just signed a deal with Penguin Books to publish his new autobiography. It’s part one of three and it’s called Pete T: My LIfe as a Fighter Pilot / Scientist / Mountain Climber / Drummer / Defenseman - That's Right, I Did All Those Things. There's no point in being humble when you're awesome, is there?
As for me, I’ve just secured second round investment funding for my new brainwave-controlled drone piloting system. We should be ready with an IPO by year’s end, so I’ll give you plenty of notice so you can alert your brokers. Same as last time. We’re going to make a killing.
And finally a big shout-out and thank you to Dr. B. Salming, ex-Leaf defender and now heart surgeon who operated on Rich W this past week. Thanks to Dr. Salming's skill and steady hands our Aces teammate and good friend is on the road to recovery and should be back in the lineup in no time.
That’s it for this week, guys. Don’t forget - this blog never happened and if a forward asks you about it just start talking about barbecue or NFL football. If a goalie asks anything, just grunt and smile and crush your beer can.
Wait, I almost forgot - Battlers 6, Aces 2. We were mentally ready for White, not Blue, so came up a little short. Something something steaks, "Grunt grunt" *crushes beer can*.
