Next Stop, Cedarvale

Toronto straphangers were excited this past week to finally see the opening of the York Spadina Subway Extension after years of budget wrangling and construction delays. Not only can subway riders now take the train all the way to Pioneer Village (where the station is finished in period-authentic oak timbers and all TTC employees will wear church bonnets and hoop skirts) but the formerly isolated residents of Vaughan can now finally venture south of Steeles Avenue to fetch potable water, Honda parts and Axe Body Spray.

In a surprise news conference today, Toronto Mayor John Not-Rob-Ford-But-Close Tory and TTC CEO Andy Get-Me-The-Fuck-Outta-Here Byford also announced the opening of a brand new station on the Spadina line between St Clair West and Eglinton West Stations.

Cedarvale Station will open on Wednesday December 20 in time for local hockey team the Black Aces to make their game at Cedarvale Arena on time for a change.

"This fabulous new station will ensure that Pete S will finally be on time for these crucial ice hockey matches" said Tory "We've done the research and listened to the experts and we feel that the $1.2 Billion it cost to build the new station is money well spent. In fact, we anticipate that Aces players who currently bicycle to the games will abandon this quite frankly dangerous mode of transportation in favour of the TTC from now on."

Added Andy Byford, "With the latest impressive 5-3 win by the Black Aces against rivals the Battlers, the timing couldn't be better. We are looking forward to a 6th COTHL title for the team this year."

Where you at, Zamboni Girl?

In addition to the impressive new platform located beneath the Cedarvale Arena, the new station will have a moving sidewalk linking it to Ferro on St Clair. The sidewalk will only be open on Wednesday nights, as per cost-cutting measures introduced by the TTC five minutes after the news conference.

"Unfortunately these new measures and the additional expense of adding the Cedarvale station means that the Scarborough Subway Extension will have to be, er,  altered ... somewhat" said Byford "Instead of extending to the Scarborough Town Centre  as originally planned, the new line will end at the Knob Hill Plaza on Eglinton Avenue, approximately 850 metres from Kennedy Station. It will however be conveniently close to Caddy's Gentleman's Club, so we feel that this is a win-win for everyone."

New final stop of the Scarborough Subway Extension

Doug Ford was unavailable for comment.