Local ice hockey team the Black Aces have reportedly signed a multi-million dollar merchandising deal with DudeBroNapalm Industries after going on an impressive winning streak at their most recent COTHL game. Industry analysts were caught off-guard by the size and speed of the deal, but DudeBroNapalm spokesbro Austin Ferrari oozed confidence at the company's news conference after the game.
"We are pleased to announce that DudeBroNapalm Industries Inc. has signed the biggest deal in its corporate history tonight. With their astonishing 8-1 win over the Warriors, the Black Aces are now without a doubt the most exciting and testosterone-drenched team in hockey history."
Ferrari went on to sketch out details of a multi-year deal that will see the Aces endorse a wide range of products beginning with Smells Like Victory cologne.
"We at DudeBroNapalm are confident that this cologne will soon be taking the world by storm. Smells Like Victory is the perfect cologne for the man who wants to smell like a combination of gunpowder, ball sweat and cheap cigars. We think it's the perfect kickoff product for the Aces."
"Every bottle", said Ferrari, "will bear the name of each of the goal-scorers from the Aces' 8-1 pounding of the Warriors, a game that will surely go down in history as the turning point of the team's 6th straight league championship season: James D (2), Pete S (2), Simon C, Al H, Martin L, and Joe D. These men shall be immortalized, as is only fitting."
Other products currently in development include:
- SmooveGroove Butt-crack and Mustache Wax
- A line of Zamboni Girl -approved tramp stamp tattoo templates
- Six6Six Breakfast Cereal - little dark chocolate "6"s covered in honey and icing sugar and dried in the draught foam of Old Speckled Hen ale. Not for sale to minors.
Watch for the multimedia blitz by DudeBroNapalm Industries and talk to your broker about buying stock. This is going to be huge.
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| It's gonna be HUGE |
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