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| All signs point to beers at Ferro |
Local hockey team the Black Aces continue to play the ‘long game’ in their quest for a record-breaking 6th consecutive COTHL title this year, skating themselves and rival squad the Wyse Guys to a 2-2 standstill in their most recent match.
Team statistician and sometime strategist Pete S explains: “Mathematically speaking, a team with our level of talent should win more games than we lose. In this league the only games that matter are the final 2 - the playoffs. If we hold off and save our wins for later in the season this improves our chances of another league title. So we take our time getting wins until down the road.”
Are the Aces on the right track? Your intrepid reporter has done some complicated math using something called 'imaginary numbers' (a real thing, you can look it up) and has come up with a highly accurate long range forecast for the 2017-2018 season, based on the team’s early results.
Game 1: 5-3 Loss
Game 2: 4-3 Loss
Game 3: 5-5 Tie, gave away a 4 goal lead
Game 4: 2-2 Tie, gave away a 1 goal lead
If this pattern continues this is what we can expect:
Game 5: Aces 3, Warriors 2. Aces come back from a 1 goal deficit and win with last-minute goal
Game 10: Aces 12, Wyse Guys 0. Game is halted after 2 periods as WGs refuse to leave their bench.
Game 15: Aces 99, Battlers 0. Battlers team scores 99 ‘own goals’ while the Aces sip imported beer on their bench. Aces are investigated for using banned mind control techniques but nothing is proven.
Game 20: Aces Titanium, Warriors Lithium. Clearly the Aces win this one.
Game 23: Aces 357, Warriors -125. Laws of physics ignored, time is reversed within Phil White Arena. Jesus appears on a flying zamboni wearing an Aces windbreaker and sequined cowboy boots, a now beautiful Zamboni Girl on his arm.
Playoffs: Aces lose both games by a score of 8-0, having mathematically exhausted their supply of wins (and miracles).
Clearly we have to pace ourselves, gentlemen, if we expect to take home the hardware in March. So let’s continue our current style of play just a little longer - the giveaways, the indifferent clearing attempts, the unnecessary penalties. John, a little less of the steady netminding please.
Early game this week. Warriors. You know what (not) to do.
1 comment:
I think we can all subscribe to the Alfred E. Newman credo of "What, me worry?". As usual, Jeff, you've provided us with the invaluable (Jefferson Star-)ship's log and aesthetic base for our pusuit of dynastic excellence. One suggestion: How about we all go trekking with Joe in the Himalayas for next season's summer training camp (East) after a mid-season All-star break in Bucerias (aka Training Camp South)? All those in favour, simply have to drink the beers that I'll bring to Wednesday's game! Go Aces!
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