Real Locker Room Talk

Fine chaps, the Aces. Fine chaps indeed.

The locker room of a team preparing for battle in the COTHL is a sacred space, as we all know. No cameras are allowed, no reporters are permitted either before or after the game, and no transcripts of the private and strictly game-related conversations are ever released. Except for those published by your humble scribe under an exclusive licence with the Black Aces, that is.

Astute observers of this space over the years may have noticed that the occasional liberty is taken here with regards to publishing quotes with strict accuracy. I will admit to taking a certain artistic licence from time to time, but only in the service of a greater truth, I can assure you. To date I have not been sued by any Ace either current or former, so let's take that as a measure of the team's satisfaction with the journalism on display here.

This week, however, in order to give readers a unique inside look at what a hockey locker room is really like I would like to present a totally factual 'fly on the wall' style report from the inner sanctum of the COTHL's current champs, the Black Aces. It may eventually be turned into a Movie of the Week, hence the script format.

INTERIOR - ACES' LOCKER ROOM

Open hockey bags are strewn around, and the Aces players burst through the door in a post-game celebratory mood. 

Rich W

Great game, men. I found that a most satisfying athletic competition and I commend you all on your sportsmanship and fair play. 

Pete T (IN GOALIE EQUIPMENT)

Hear hear! I agree with Rich, and I would also like to thank every one of you for playing so skillfully in front of me tonight. Especially the defense corps. 

Joe H

Those chaps the Warriors were certainly good sports as well, I must say. Most unfortunate for them that they are almost completely lacking in talent or competitive spirit, but perhaps next time they'll fare better. 

Joe D (REACHES INTO THE TEAM COOLER AND PULLS OUT A FROSTY ROOT BEER)

Here's to the Warriors! A splending bunch of fellows indeed! 

Entire Team

To the Warriors! 

Paul M

Also, I am extremely happy to have rejoined the Aces after my hiatus. A finer group of gentlemen would be hard to imagine. Say, who was that attractive young lady driving the zamboni tonight?

Pete S

That's Zamboni Girl, Paul. She is our beloved Fan, and expert ice surface technician. 

Paul M

Well she is quite a beauty. In fact I think I would quite enjoy putting my hand directly onto her vagina whether she had requested it or not!

Ralph R

Hey! That is no way to behave towards a lady, sir, and certainly not towards a lady so fair as Zamboni Girl! I will stand for no more of this ungentlemanly chatter, and I'm sure if Rod were here he would be most disappointed in all of us.

Jeff M

He's right - just because she is of the fairer sex is no reason to treat her with disrespect. Even if she does have a lovely vag-

Aubrey S

Please sir, I beg you! No more of this rough and uncivilized banter! I fear I shall not be able to finish this delicious root beer if you persist in this line of crude talk. Vaginas indeed. I never.

Paul M

I'm terribly sorry, lads. Of course you are right and I had no business making such base remarks. I hope you will all accept my sincere apologies.

Mike K

Apology accepted, without reservation. Let's consider the matter closed.

FREEZE FRAME AS THE ACES HOIST FROSTY ROOT BEERS IN CELEBRATION

ROLL CREDITS:

FINAL SCORE: BLACK ACES 7, WARRIORS 1

GOALS:

JEFF, JOE D, JOE H, RICH, PAUL AND PETE S (2). 

SOLID GOALTENDING FROM PETE T. 

ICE SURFACING BY ZAMBONI GIRL