Dear Scribe

Tell me all about it.

Dear Scribe,

My boss has been acting inappropriately lately at work, making lewd remarks about my appearance and rubbing up against me whenever I'm alone in the break room. I'm not comfortable with this kind of behaviour, but I need the job really badly and the other guys on the ship say I should just roll with it until he gets bored and moves on to the next new hire. What should I do? - Cabin Boy

Dear Cabin Boy,

Sounds to me like you should follow the game plan, give 110% and take things one shift at a time. If that doesn't work make sure you chip the puck out off the glass instead of dumping it up the middle. The Aces D corps uses this technique (mostly) and it works like a charm. Hope that helps.

Dear Scribe,

I'm having a hard time getting along with my wife's family. They hate the fact that their daughter married outside their religion (she's an Evangelical Christian from Alberta and I'm a Satanist from Agincourt) and are always on me about how i'm not good enough for her, and how I've turned her away from God and all things good and decent, and they especially can't stand that I play in a black metal band (Disciples of Hell) and follow a strict vegan diet (they are cattle ranchers). I want to stay with my wife but this stress is making it hard. Any advice on how I can win over her family? - Metal Minion

Dear Metal Minion,

That sounds like a difficult situation. I think the best approach here would be for you to dump the puck in and apply some serious forechecking pressure, forcing them to cough up the puck. Then all you have to do is get the puck to the net and bang it in. This tactic works great for the Aces, and it should work for you too. You're welcome.

Dear Scribe,

Last night was the 23rd time since 2010 that the aliens have come for me. They zapped me with their immobilizing ray while I was washing my car and beamed me up to their ship again and there was nothing I could do about it. At first I didn't mind the anal probing so much, but I am seriously getting tired of it now. Please help me, I'm begging you. - Probed Out

Dear Probed Out,

First of all let me just say that I'm sorry to hear about all the excess probing. Nobody likes that kind of treatment, but it does remind me just a little of how the Aces dominate their submissive rivals in the COTHL. I think your only course of action here is to tie up the neutral zone and wait for a break you can take advantage of. Once you get up by a goal you can switch to a 1-2-2 configuration and shut them down until the final buzzer. In other words, steal a page from the Aces' playoff book. I'm sure that will work for you.

Results from October 12: 

Aces 6, Battlers 3. This is coincidentally the same score as the last time these teams met, in the championship game last year.

Goals: Pete 3, Mark 2, Mike 1.