Mark 5, Other Aces 2, Wyse Guys 3

Fellow Black Aces - After our latest game I somehow received the following cryptic email, which appears to have been destined for someone else on the team and sent by a mysterious "J" on a beach somewhere. This was a day after the Aces put a 7-3 hurt on the Wyse Guys, with a 5 goal performance from Mark. That brings his yearly total to something like 50 goals now, more than the rest of the team combined. This in spite of not having an official Aces jersey on his back. The other 2 came from Pete (also jersey-less!) and Rich, with some solid goaltending on the back end from Kevin, yet another of the not-quite-black-Aces. 

You would think management would be pulling out all the stops to get proper jerseys for our new players, given the outstanding contributions made by all of them - Mark, Kevin, Paul, and from last year Rod and Pete. After reading this email you might think something else. 

You be the judge.

To: A 
From: J
STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

A - GOT YOUR EMAIL ABOUT THE LATEST GAME, GOOD TO SEE THE TEAM IS BACK ON TRACK. I'D HATE TO HAVE TO STOP YOUR SPECIAL SHIPMENTS DUE TO THE POOR PLAY OF THE ACES. YOU KNOW OUR AGREEMENT. THE TEAM KEEPS WINNING,I KEEP WINNING MY TOTALLY LEGIT MEXICAN-CANADIAN HOCKEY POOL, AND FEDEX KEEPS BRINGING YOU PACKAGES OF THOSE USED CHAMBERMAID'S UNIFORMS YOU LIKE SO MUCH. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU DO WITH THEM, OK? 

ONE THING - THIS MARK GUY WE SIGNED THIS YEAR, I KNOW HE WANTS A TEAM JERSEY BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CAN WE GIVE HIM ONE. HE'S SCORING LIKE A MADMAN BECAUSE HE'S HUNGRY. GIVE HIM A JERSEY AND WE TAKE AWAY THE CARROT, THE MOTIVATION. COMPRENDE? TELL HIM IT'S ON THE WAY, TELL HIM IT'S AT THE CLEANERS, TELL HIM WHATEVER YOU LIKE BUT DON'T GIVE HIM A JERSEY UNLESS HE STOPS SCORING. 

SAME GOES FOR THOSE OTHER GUYS, PAUL AND PETE AND ROD AND KEVIN. IF IT AIN'T BROKE DON'T FIX IT, AMIRIGHT? NEW HOCKEY JERSEYS DON'T GROW ON TREES. OR CACTII.

JUST KEEP THE TEAM WINNING, AMIGO. YOUR NEXT SHIPMENT IS ON THE WAY. 

SURF'S UP, GOTTA GO.

J.