Hockey Canada Announces New Olympic Lineup

After releasing the final lineup for Canada's olympic men's ice hockey team last week, Hockey Canada is reported to be making some last minute changes after the Black Aces' latest COTHL win.

The Aces 6-0 win over the Warriors was so convincing, such an utterly ass-kickingly jaw-droppingly shut-the-F-up-edly work of art that coach Mike Babcock has decided to send the Aces to Sochi instead of the original hand-picked collection of NHL superstars.

"I happened to catch the game on ESPN-22, and what I saw convinced me that the best hope for our nation at the Olympics rests not with Sydney Crosby and a bunch of elite professional athletes, but with the Black Aces Hockey Club. They were a revelation." said Babcock last week. "Also, I've been having these really weird headaches lately. And blacking out a lot too. But I'm pretty sure I saw the best hockey team I've ever seen. They wear the black sweaters, right?"

Hockey Canada officials are not commenting publicly about the surprise changes, except to say they are reviewing the game tapes from the Aces latest win and expect to make a statement soon.

When told of the unexpected development, Aces team Chaplain Ralph R took the news in stride. "After winning the motherf***ing COTHL championship last year, a lot of f***ing people thought we had nowhere to go but down. But I knew we could top that sh*t. And now look, we're off to the goddam olympics. Suck on that, haters."

Other Aces players were a little less cocksure than Ralph.

Pete - "Where is Sushi, anyway?"
Rod - "I'm bringing my own vodka, just in case. Remember what happened in '72 with the steaks"
Paul - "If I can't ride across the border I don't want to go"
Joe H - "They have palm trees there, so count me in"
Paul F - "If I bring my own sweater can I go too?"
Mark - "If I go can I have a sweater?"

Box scores from the epic 6-0 win:

Mark - 3 goals
Pete - 1 goal
Rich - 1 goal
Mike - 1 goal
Kevin - shutout!

I don't yet know how, Crosby, but I swear to you, one day
I will crush your olympic dreams. I promise.