Local Hockey Team Running Candidates in Federal Election

Lawn signs really do work

Local hockey team the Black Aces are running in a key Toronto area riding as the federal election comes down to the wire. While the so-called major parties run their candidates ragged by flying them all over the country in an effort to secure votes, the Black Aces Party has taken a different approach. The entire team is on the ballot in the riding of Toronto - St. Pauls.

Not each individual player - the team itself is the candidate. Voters can choose the Black Aces HC to represent their interests in Ottawa for the next four years.

“The team is offering Canadians - ok, a few select Canadians - a new alternative to the same old politics” stated team PR Chief Mike K during an interview with your scribe “Rather than have just one over-worked person looking after the needs of the constituents, the Aces have assembled a team of 15 dedicated beer league hockey players to the job. That way we can cover more ground in the riding and address everyone’s concerns.”

Flyers dropped off at residents’ homes over the past few weeks lay out the Black Aces platform, which includes some innovative and creative solutions to problems faced by Canadians not just in the Toronto-St. Pauls riding but across the country. A few examples:

Climate Change - the party proposes we lower the boiling point of water to 95 degrees C in order to save energy and lower emissions. The party will also convert all zambonis to electric.

Carbon Tax - the party will abolish the carbon tax and instead shift it to a totally different element in the periodic table: helium. The Helium Tax will raise the same amount of money as the Carbon Tax but will do so entirely on the backs of children’s birthday parties.

Foreign Policy - all foreign policy disputes will be settled by way of ice hockey matches played at Phil White Arena. This will give Canada an edge over every other nation on earth, except maybe Russia.

Legalization of beer - The Aces have put together a proposal to make beer legal… in hockey arena dressing rooms right across this great land. In fact, all arenas will be required to provide a fully stocked beer fridge in every dressing room. Even minor league players will be permitted to knock back a cold one after their games as long as they can get a ride home with their dad.

Toronto-St Pauls voters are invited to Ferro’s on St Clair on election night to celebrate with the team.

In the run-up to the election, the team pulled out another victory over red (Wyse Guys), this time with a come-from-behind never say die all for one and one for all effort. Final score: Aces 4, Wyse Guys 3. Scorers: Blair with 2, Mike with one and returning special guest James with a single. Solid game in net from John Goalie. The team also welcomed back Pete S, who managed to get penalized after a completely out of character altercation with an opposing player. Crazy.