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Warriors spokesperson P.R. Deltoid explains: “The team has invested heavily in research and development in the off season, and our R&D department has created something we think is going to take us to the league championships this year - the GoalieBot.”
The GoalieBot, said Deltoid “is the perfect merger of robotics, AI and the Internet of Things. Advanced algorithms control its movements in the net, making it the perfect goaltender.
“Unfortunately the GoalieBot is not quite finished yet.”
While the R&D lab puts the finishing touches on their invention the Warriors have had to rely on an earlier version, GoalieBot RC. While still robotic, GoalieBot RC is remotely controlled by an off-site human goalie. With mixed results.
Last week’s game began normally enough as the Aces and Warriors fought to a 2-2 draw in the first period. With the Aces up 3-2 a little while later, the remotely controlled GoalieBot RC system started to show signs of what looked like a lack of proper quality control.
Aces defender Mike M lobbed a shot from beyond the red line that the Warriors keeper failed to stop, or even see. It was downhill from there, as the Aces put pucks in the net on the regular for the rest of the game, eventually building up an 11-2 lead before taking their foot off the gas.
So, was this a mechanical malfunction? Not quite, according to spokesman Deltoid - “GoalieBot RC was found to be functioning normally during the post-game diagnostic analysis. Turns out our remote operator was deliberately letting in as many goals as she could.”
She?
“Yes, a young lady who goes by the name Zamboni Girl? We hired her on the recommendation of one of our players who went on a hot Tinder date with her. She said she knew the league and had inside knowledge of how the Aces like to shoot, so we thought she’d be perfect. Live and learn, I guess.”
Final Score: Aces 11, Warriors 5. Goal scorers: pretty much everyone.
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