Aces D Man Called Up by the Leafs

Who is that guy up in the greens?

In their most recent COTHL outing, the Black Aces were without long-time D Man and scribe Jeff M as he was busy attempting to crack the lineup of the Toronto Maple Leafs. A detailed account of the attempt in the form of diary entries and texts sent to the Leafs staff is herewith provided for your edification and amusement.

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6:45pm – met with friend and Leaf fan Maurice G at C’est What for carb-loading and pre-hydration. Changed into full equipment in the men’s room before heading out for the Scotiabank Arena.

7:25pm – got into a scuffle with rink security as they would not let me bring in my sticks. After a heated discussion and threats of violence they agreed to place my sticks on the Leaf bench for later. I’m not sure they believed that I had a legit tryout with the team, to be honest.

7:30pm – Text to Mike Babcock, Leaf coach:

Yo, Mike! Jeff here, I’m ready to rock. Pre-game warmup completed. I’m in section 323, so if you need me to take a shift I need about 8 minutes lead time to get down to the bench. Say hi to Austin for me.

7:32pm Text to Mike Babcock, Leaf coach:

Hola Mike - just a reminder that you haven’t signed Willie Nylander yet and I’m asking for a lot less than he is. For the first year anway. Go Leafs!

1st period

16:23 – Austin Matthews sets up John Tavares. 1-0 Leafs. That didn't take long.

Text to Mike Babcock, Leaf coach:

Hi Mike! Sweet setup by AM on that one. Nice finish by JT but I bet I could have put that one in too. Just sayin’. Still ready to go when you need me. Got the helmet on and everything. GO LEAFS GO!!

7:50pm – beer sure is expensive here at the Scotiabank Arena. Also, it’s pretty tough to drink through my cage, I’ve spilled about half of the 2 beers I’ve had so far. I better pick up the pace, I could get the call from the coach at any minute.

12:22 – San Jose ties it up. Leafs D look pretty weak, tbh.

Text to Mike Babcock, Leaf coach:

Babs, WTF? Who taught Hainsey how to block a shot? Even I know you don’t turn your back on the shooter like that. I think maybe he needs to sit a shift or two, know what I mean? #totallyreadytoplay

16.3 seconds left in the first period – Amazing goal, Mitch breaks a stick and grabs one off the bench on the fly, rejoins the rush and sets up JT for his second. 2-1 Leafs. I’m way into my fourth brewski. This game is costing me a fortune but it will be worth it when I sign a sweet deal with the team.

Text to Mike Babcock, Leaf coach:

Hey Babcock, I’m pretty sure Marner grabbed one of MY STICKS off the bench to set up that goal. That's an assist. I’d better see my name on the game sheet, pal. #stillreadytoplay

2nd Period

18:07 Patrick Marleau roofs one to put the Leafs up 4-1. Mike Babcock has started blocking my texts. I’ll have to switch to Twitter and just @ him from now on.

I wonder how the Aces are doing.

15:42 – San Jose make it 4-2. Again with that Hainsey character.

Tweet - @mdbabs HEY BABCOCK WHY YOU PLAYING THAT BUM HAINSEY? I’M RIGHT HERE, MAN. SECITON 323 FFS. #PUTMEINCOACH #GOLEAFSGO #RONHAINSEYISADOUCHE

Reply from @mdbabs:

Dude I am NOT the Leafs coach. It says so right on my profile, ffs. Stop tweeting at me.

3rd Period

9:02 – Austin Matthews again. Damn that guy is good. 5-2 Leafs.

Tweet – hey @mdbabs, why are you avoiding me? I can see you from here in section 323 ya know. It would be so easy to throw this beer right at your big fat leafs coach head!!!!! #GOSHARKSGO

Hey the Sharks bag one. 5-3 Leafs now.

Tweet – HA HA LEAFS. Sharks are gonna come back and WIN because @mdbabs is a big poopyhead and Hainsey SUCKS and if I was on the ice it was gon be sljkoirn covfefe bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb