I Nostri Assi Neri, il Nostro Amore

Film Development Proposal - Telefilm Canada

Ti amo Maria, ma il mio cuore è per le assi

To: Vaness Manco, Ontario region application officer
From: Enrico Wardoni, Assi Neri Produzioni

Ciao Vanessa,

Please accept the attached documentation as our application for Telefilm Canada Canadian Media Fund development funds for for our new Canadian-Italian co-production “I Nostri Assi Neri, il Nostro Amore”.

This project will be a short pseudo-documentary film shot in the style of Michelangelo Antonioni, the great Italian filmmaker of the 1960s. Think L’Avventura on ice - people (in this case, local Toronto hockey team the Black Aces) search for… what? Love? Victory? Some meaning to their lives? The answer is never revealed. Our documentary crew follows the Aces as they struggle to prevail in the ultra-competitive COTHL. Stark black and white photography emphasizes the blackness of their quest, while paradoxically revealing the non-binary nature of reality itself.

While presented in the style of a documentary, we will actually be re-creating scenes from the team’s history in order to ensure artistic integrity and quality. This will include the team’s latest game, a hard-fought 4-4 tie with league-leading Wyse Guys that saw them pull the goalie in the last minute to bang home the tying goal. Another 2 goals came from hot-streaking Ralph, plus singles from Pete T and Mark (the aforementioned tying goal).

Assi Neri Produzioni is seeking 120 million dollars to complete this 20 minute film, which I’m sure you’ll agree is a fair price for such an important work of art. A complete line-by-line production costs estimate is attached, but some highlights include:

• $55 million for recreating the entire Phil White Arena in our Italian production facilities in Milano
• $23 million for the construction of a custom Zamboni ice-cleaning machine by the Ferrari design team
• $13 million to hire Italian actress Monica Bellucci to play the key role of Zamboni Girl
• $2.4 million for the recreation of Ferro’s restaurant, which must be located at our production facility in Milano in order to ensure that the kitchen remain open and operational during the shoot
• $1.6 million for beer

Meet the new Zamboni Girl

Ms Manco I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience, and I look forward to working with Telefilm Canada to bring this incredible film to the public.

Ciao!

Enrico Wardoni
Consulente Senior di Produzione
Assi Neri Produzioni