Ace Holes Win

It was a different Black Aces Hockey Club that showed up for their most recent COTHL game against the Battlers this week. Normally the Aces are world-renowned for their gentlemanliness, their generosity and their outstanding sense of fair play. And good looks, of course. So it was a shocked Battlers squad that faced off against a team who played like, well, like a bunch of Ace Holes.

Taking a record 45 minor penalties during the course of the game, the blackshirts repeatedly hacked, tripped, elbowed and cross-checked their way to a 4-3 win.

“I thought the Aces were nice guys, but I guess not” said Battlers centre Blake McWhinybaby “They were really mean.”

Even refs Donny and Les were surprised. “Normally I just call stuff randomly regardless of what actually happens on the ice” said Donny after the game “But tonight I just called the penalties as they occurred. Which was often.”

Not that there was no actual hockey played. Backstopped by Guest Goalie John, the Aces were ahead for the whole game and held the balance of play for most of the night.

“We tried to give it away, we really did” said team watercolourist Mark L “but even playing the entire 3rd period short handed wasn’t enough.”

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The change in attitude has brought attention to the team from some unexpected quarters. Rumours are flying that showbiz blowhard and self-professed Biggest Asshole in America Donald Trump is interested in buying the team and creating a reality TV show about them. “The Aces are fantastic” said Trump “but I can’t confirm that I’ll be moving them to Atlantic City and building a show around them, or that I’ll be hiring Bobby Clark and Rob Ford to coach them, or that they’ll be playing in the Ladies Lingerie League. I can’t confirm any of that.”

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The Aces scorers: Ralph McNasty, Mark DeBastard, Mike McDirtyman and special guest Paul L’Animal.