The Aces spectacular season took a slight left turn this past wednesday as they came up against an amphetamine-assisted Bloor Battlers' squad and could only muster a 2-2 draw. Battlers' goalie Sparky McHugepants somehow absorbed nearly every shot sent his way, turning aside pucks like a 4x8 sheet of 3/8 plywood, although there were several close calls that would have sealed the deal for the blackshirts had they found the net.
The white-jerseyed-and-formerly-blue team (is that right? was this the blue team? I really can't keep this straight any more) was on a mission as they used an extra gear to hold back a smooth-skating Aces squad. A penalty box conversation between your humble scribe and an opposing ne'er-do-well went something like this:
me- 'what kind of goofballs are you cats hopped up on tonight, man?'
he - 'crystal meth, mostly, why?'
me - 'your defenseman just chewed through my stick on that last shift. And he was wearing a cage.'
he - 'well that's the only way we can compete against you guys. Your team is so deep in hockey talent that we can't stay with you unless we out-hustle you.'
me - 'uh, gee, thanks'
he - 'plus our goalie has a great connection for cheap pharmaceuticals. He's in the air force, and they give out the Go PIlls like they're candy. You want some? I got a few here in my glove.'
me - 'no thanks pardner, i prefer to get my highs the natural way'
he - 'you mean weed? i can get you some of that too if you want'
me - 'No, I mean the good clean natural feeling of playing the great Canadian game of hockey'
(long pause)
he - 'how about some ecstasy?'
me - 'now you're talking. See me after the game'
Goal scorers for the Black Boys of Cedarvale-abama were team hand model Bruce H with a lovely deflection (soft hands!) and team drummer Andrew T with a ripping wrist shot that somehow found it's way past the man with the 4x8 sheet of ply in his jersey.
Early game next week, beer to be supplied by yours truly. Hope you like Wildcat.
No comments:
Post a Comment