On paper, the 2 sides appeared evenly matched with the White squad possibly holding a slight advantage over the Black. On the ice however, a different story unfolded.
The first period and a half saw the teams battle it out more or less to a draw, with each team trading goals and leads early on. Then a miraculous thing began to happen – the Aces, former whipping boys of the COHL, put the hammer down and kept putting it down until they had built up a 6 goal lead. Power play goals? Check. Even strength? Check. Highlight reel beauties? Check. Ugly scrambles? Check.
Final Score: Aces 10, White Team 5
White team officials were on the phone to league drug enforcement types before the game had ended, complaining that the Aces had to have had some chemical enhancement to so thoroughly destroy their team.
Aces’ team spiritual advisor Osama Spring Laden had a different explanation, however. “God has willed that we strike our enemies with great force in 2008-2009” said OSL, “and we thank him for giving us the strength to do so. We would especially like to thank the Almighty for improving our powerplay, which now totally rocks.”
Team pharmacist Al Heavenrich denied reports that he had been supplying the Aces with performance-enhancing drugs. “All pharmaceuticals in use by our squad are being used to combat erectile dysfunction only” stated Heavenrich “This is a sensitive topic and I would appreciate you not bringing it up again.”
White team players were reported to be extremely unhappy with the ass-kicking they received on Wednesday, especially with the ‘salt in the wound’ goal scored by Aces warrior Ferris the Merciless with a scant 2 seconds to play in 3rd period. “That’s just mean” whined White team captain Girly McVaginal after the game. “And totally unnecessary too. Those bullies. Wait til I tell my dad.”
Other highlites included a lovely
Next week: Late game vs the Battlers. Bring. It. On.
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