Pre-Approved Pre-Game Conversation Starters for Aces

Phil White Arena Smoking Room

In their most recent COTHL match, local hockey club the Black Aces came up on the short end of a 5-2 score against arch-rivals the Battlers. Players and close observers of the beloved team noted that the pre-game dressing room banter, normally lively and spirited, was on this day somewhat lacklustre.

Was the lack of witty repartee somehow related to the Aces’ sub-par on-ice performance? Possibly. But the team is not taking any chances.

In an effort to remedy this possibly dire state of affairs, Aces senior management has compiled a list of topics designed to spark pre-game conversation amongst active players, with the aim of inspiring the team to put in a better effort on the ice.

Instructions

• Aces players are to be in the room no less than 20 minutes before game time.
• Players should split into 2 groups: forwards in one group, defensemen and goaltenders (Pete T is considered a part-time goaltender) in another.
• One topic per game for each group is to be drawn at random from the puck bag

Topics

For Forwards

“Is light beer really beer?”
“How much can you bench?”
“What’s better, a Ford F150 or a Dodge Ram?”
“Vegas: just like fucking Disneyland now with all the families and kids and shit”
“Heart vs Zeppelin: who rocks harder?”
“Zamboni Girl: would ya hit that?”

For Defensemen & Goaltenders

“Bordeaux versus Provence wine regions: compare and contrast”
“Asteroid impacts and the end of the last ice age: discuss this theory in depth”
“Which do you think drives better, the Aston Martin Superleggera or the Aston Martin Vantage?”
“Monaco: not what it used to be now that commoners and footballers are permitted to enter”
“Puccini vs Mozart: who wrote the greatest opera?”
“Zamboni Girl: would ya hit that?

Aces Undefeated in this Decade

Yes. A Lego Zamboni. Because why not?

Local hockey team the Black Aces ran their record for the 2020s to a sparkling 2 and 0 this past week as they cruised to yet another victory over perennial whipping boys the Warriors. Once a proud team with a winning record, the Warriors are now but a shadow of their former selves.

The Aces tried to bolster the Warriors’ lineup by loaning them 2 players and a new pair of skates, but it was not enough. Not even a traitorous goal late in the game from 3PeteD was enough, and the blackshirts took the game 5-3. A pair of goals from Bruce H plus a hat-trick from Paul M was enough to seal the W.

Aces goalie John Goalie was back in the net after successful surgery to re-attach his catching hand, which was put to occasional use during the game.

This game followed a decisive victory over the Wyse Guys in the opening game of the new decade, a game your humble scribe was unable to attend but which, he has been assured, was a thing of beauty.

The Aces are split on whether to continue the season or call it a decade, however, and have split into two opposing camps.

“It’s been a good run” said winger and inexpert shot-blocker Jake G. “I say we go out on a high note.”

Not all Aces agree. Team cryptobiologist Martin L favours completing the season “Or at least until Pete S can play one more game and start a riot. We owe him that much, don’t we?”

Other options include inviting all former Aces players back for one more game (current players will watch from the stands or run the bench as the the old-timers take the ice), challenging the other teams to a rock-paper-scissors-spock tournament instead of the playoffs, or just meeting at Ferro’s every wednesday night for some beers and a couple of pies.

Watch for the vote on BenchApp.