Aces Score CBC TV Drama Deal

Local ice hockey team the Black Aces have just announced that they have inked a deal with Canada's national broadcaster, CBC Radio-Canada, for a 13 episode season of a new television drama.

Tentatively titled "On Yonder Blueline", the series will feature heartwarming yet difficult-to-watch mini-dramas starring Aces players and a cast of Canadian television superstars.

CBC Head of Player Development Ross McMansbridge spoke with reporters (from CBC's The National, of course) to explain the deal. "We felt that the team had finally achieved the perfect mix of mediocrity and anonymity we were looking for" said McMansbridge "As you know, our television drama lineup is widely regarded as the most mediocre content available, and after reviewing the season the Aces just finished we sent our best lawyers right over to get the deal done."

Aces spokesperson and player agent John Goalie was instrumental in getting the Aces signed to the Corp. "If I had to describe our 2018-2019 season, I would have to say it was 'not totally terrible' but also 'not that great'" said John. "'Right in the middle of the road' I'd say. Pretty forgettable, actually. I think we'll be a good fit on CBC Television."

With the ink still drying on the contract, CBC unionized screenwriters are already hard at work coming up with plot lines for the new series. Your scribe managed to get a look at some of the early ideas by bribing a secretary with a Tim Horton's plain donut, and by jingling some car keys in front of her. Here they are:

"Pete Drives Through" 

Aces power forward Pete S stops at a McDonald's drive-thru and orders some food. Then he eats it. In a cameo appearance Cynthia Dale tries to reach into the car to snatch Pete's chicken mcnuggets but he fends her off by opening his equipment bag and she staggers back into the night.

"Game Cancelled"  

Aces D man Jeff drives to the rink only to find the game has been cancelled. The camera follows him in a half-hour tracking shot as he drives despondently home in the freezing rain. The ghosts of Bruno Gerussi and Robert Clothier appear in the back seat and they all speak of the sea as the rain falls.

"Post Game Beverages" 

The Aces celebrate a 6-0 victory over White in the consolation finals by quietly sipping on cans of beer whilst in their underwear. Special guest appearance by Donny the Ref, who delivers a ten minute monologue on the finer points of section 8.2.3 of the OHL Rulebook. Very special guest appearance by Rita McNeil as Zamboni Girl. Viewer discretion is advised.






There you have it, sports and television drama fans. The Black Aces conclude another season but may be starting another, less exciting one.

No hoisting the cup this year but our 5 year run of consecutive championships is still safe. Training camp should iron out any minor issues in our game for next year, right? Right.

So you want to play D

Dear applicant;
Thank you for your recent letter indicating your interest in playing the position of Defenseman for the Black Aces Hockey Club. In order for us to process your application, we ask you to please complete the following questionnaire.

Q. What is the average speed of a typical COTHL wrist shot?
a) 22.2 m/s
b) 50 mph
c) 0.0000746% of the speed of light in a vacuum
d) I don’t care, I’ll block the shot no matter what

Q. Who is the greatest Toronto Maple Leaf of all time?

a) Bobby Baun
b) Ian Turnbull
c) Borje Salming
d) Tim Horton

Q. Who said “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

a) Captain James T Kirk
b) Isaac Newton
c) Albert Einstein
d) Jim McKenney

Q. The angle between the left point and the top right corner of the net in an NHL sized rink is:

a) 16.6 degrees
b) 38.1 degrees
c) It depends if the defenseman is shooting left or right
d) It doesn’t matter. Point shots should be low and hard, not aimed at the top corner.


Q. If Jimmy is skating north-northwest at 28 kilometres per hour and Joey is skating due south at 26 kilometres per hour, what time should you be in the dressing room for an 8:30 game?

a) 7:45
b) 8:29
c) midway through the second period
d) depends on the weather and/or McDonalds drive thru traffic

Q. Who said "Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt." ?

a) Sun Tzu in The Art of War
b) Lau Tzu in the Tao Te Ching
c) American WWII General George S. Patton
d) Bobby Orr in the middle of a mescaline binge with Derek Sanderson

This concludes the multiple choice section of the application.

Essay Question: in 500 words or less please explain why you feel you are qualified to play defence for the Black Aces. Please include detailed diagrams showing your top 3 preferred zone clearing strategies for even strength, shorthanded and power play situations.

Bonus question: who is your favourite Aces defenseman of all time?

Thank you for your interest. Successful candidates will be contacted by email the day of the next game. Keep your gear in the trunk just in case.