Aces Uber Alles

Congratulations, boys ;)

In a stunning finish to what looked at one point to be a lost season, local hockey team the Black Aces completed a late-season 6-0 run to defeat the Bloor Battlers 2-1 in the COTHL final, taking the championship for the first time since the 2007-2008 season.

The Aces kept the Battlers at bay for most of the game, leading for most of 2 periods on a goal from newcomer Pete S before the Battlers finally managed to break Aces' netminder Raj C's incredible 7 period shutout string.

The game stayed tied until just over a minute to go, when your humble scribe and blog host found himself inexplicably in front of the enemy net with the puck on his stick. Even more inexplicably, he managed to get a shot off that then somehow found the back of the Battlers' net.

The Aces held off a late charge from the Battlers, who had pulled their goalie, and the deal was done. Aces 2, Battlers 1. 

Congratulations, Aces. We are officially the team to beat in 2013-2014.

That's right, bitches. We're number one!

Back row: Jeff M, Pete S, Rod P, Ralph R, Gerry S, Al H, Simon C, Joe D-S

Front row: Bruce H, Rich W, Raj C, Aubrey S, Brian M

Front front row: future star and son of Pete S

Not pictured: Joe P, Paul F, Bob D, Mike K, Ann Wilson, Nancy Wilson

Celebrations and gloating to be held at Ferro's on April 3. Details to follow. Bring your drinking shoes.

Cardinals Meet to Decide Fate of COTHL Playoffs

While news media from around the world focused on the Papal Conclave this past week, another story was also unfolding within the secretive walls of the Vatican.

"Any time you get 114 Cardinals together under the same roof" said Vatican spokesperson Guido 'the Hutt' Hutino "you get them to multitask. It only makes sense."

The Cardinals were able to come to a decision quite quickly on who will become the next Pope, choosing Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina to put on the red shoes this time. With that little matter out of the way, it left them with some extra time clear up some other pressing matters.

"We pre-booked our hotel rooms for 3 weeks." said Canadian Cardinal Marc Ouellet after the new pope was sworn in by the traditional paddy-wacks ceremony "And the voting was going great, so I thought we should try to get some other work done while we're here. I lobbied to have the boys weigh in on the outcome of the COTHL playoffs next week and they went for it."

Black, black smoke.

Cardinal Ouellet was reluctant to reveal the outcome of the discussions, saying only that he and the other lads had had a 'real good chat with the man upstairs'. Keen observers will have noted, however, a certain smoky chimney partway through Pope Vote 2013.

"The black smoke was just a little gag we played on the press" said Ouellet, quaffing a pint of Fin du Monde and puffing a Du Maurier after the final announcement. "We had Bergsy picked already so we fired up the holy hot knives while we were yakking about the COTHL. You should have seen the press scramble! Too funny."

The finals will feature the Black Aces against the Bloor Battlers, after the Aces stunned the Warriors 5-0 in their semi-final game on March 6. Goals went to Gerry (2), Rod, Aubrey and Mike. Raj was outstanding once again between the pipes.

Cardinal O. checks the game sheet: 'Holy cow, 5-0 Aces!'

Black Aces to be Featured on Mexican Cable TV

TeleMexico Corporation and the Ministry of Tourism Culture and Sport have announced the addition of an exciting new program to an already hot lineup of television content on Channel 53, el Canal de hombres y más hombres. Spokesman Chi Chi ‘Pepe’ Fernandez explains:

My love for the Aces is this big.

“Many Canadians are coming to Mexico each year for their holidays, and we want them to feel at home when they stay in our fine hotels. Recently there have been unfortunate incidents involving foreign tourists and some bad men with sharp knives. For this we are deeply regretful. To show our concern and also our love for the Canadian tourists  we have decided to add the popular sport of ice hockey to the number one in-hotel tourist television channel in all of Mexico.”

Talks are still under way between the Mexican government and the NHL, so in the meantime the broadcast rights to all COTHL games involving the Black Aces have been purchased, with games to begin immediately with their first playoff game against the Warriors on March 6. 

“The Aces, they are so black and so misterioso, so macho, they have a great appeal to the Mexican people and also to the Canadian tourist. The most recent game they have played was magnífico - a 3 to zero beating of the Guys who are Wyse. The masked one in the net, such intensity I have not seen in un tiempo largo, if ever.

"We hope that soon we can show the games on the main sports channel, perhaps for the next season? For now we are proud to show the Aces playing their ice hockey games on Canal 53, el Canal de hombres y más hombres.”

Senor Fernandez then reached into his trousers and slowly pulled out the Channel 53 lineup for March 6:

17:00 - 17:30 3 Men and Another 3 Men (Comedy)

17:30 - 18:00 AssWord! (Game show)

18:00 - 19:00 Hillbilly Hand Fistin’ (Reality)

19:00 - 19:30 Aces Season Highlites, 2012-2013

19:30 - 20:00 Reach for the Bottom (Game Show)

20:00 - 21:30 UFC Highlites in slow motion (Adult)

21:30 - 21:50 Aces Pre-Game Show with Don Cherry

21:50 - 23:00 Aces vs Warriors (live)

23:00 - 24:00 The Gerbil Whisperer (Reality)

The Aces are reportedly still in talks concerning royalties from the broadcasts.