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It’s a well-known phenomenon that after an intense game of beer-league ice hockey, players often have a hard time winding down. Sleep can be elusive as the mind replays the game just played in minute detail, and players must oftentimes engage in odd activities in order to pass the time until they can finally chill out enough to get some sleep.
Recently scientists in the privately funded Institute of Recreational Sports-Related Sleep Disorders concluded a study in which they secretly followed a test group of athletes from the Cedarvale Oldtimers Hockey League. The results of this groundbreaking 5 year study have not yet been released, but your intrepid Black Aces Blogger has secured a preview of their findings. Which he will share with you now, of course.
The most surprising data to emerge from the study, entitled Post-Game Nocturnal Activities of Adult Recreational Ice Hockey League Participants, is the differences noted between players on three of the four teams in the COTHL and players on the Black Aces. While non-Aces players engaged in boring activities like drinking beer and re-watching TIVO’d episodes of Dog the Bounty Hunter, most Aces players were found to have a much richer and wider range of post-game activities. For instance, after the team’s latest 5-2 victory over the Warriors,
The most surprising data to emerge from the study, entitled Post-Game Nocturnal Activities of Adult Recreational Ice Hockey League Participants, is the differences noted between players on three of the four teams in the COTHL and players on the Black Aces. While non-Aces players engaged in boring activities like drinking beer and re-watching TIVO’d episodes of Dog the Bounty Hunter, most Aces players were found to have a much richer and wider range of post-game activities. For instance, after the team’s latest 5-2 victory over the Warriors,
- Al - knitted six pairs of tiny mittens out of cat fur scavenged from sofa cushions and the legs of corduroy trousers
- Ralph - celebrated a 2 goal night by bow-hunting for opossum in Cedarvale ravine.
- Joe P - wound down after his 2 goal performance by carving a 'really cool' bong out of an illegally obtained block of rare Tibetan Mountain Pine
- Bruce - continued training the kitchen mice to wear the tiny sequined outfits he sewed for his planned all-rodent, all-male musical production “It’s Raining Mice and Men”
- Andrew - continued his ongoing construction of a fully functioning woman out of Lego and partially chewed cheetos
- Aubrey - currently on IR, has been hanging out on the Twilight Fans online discussion forum, to date posting over 700 entries as 'Edward4Ever'
- Raj - is working towards his degree in small mammal repair from the People’s Veterinary College and Dynamite Manufactory of Xianxiu China (over 6 days fatality free!)
- Paul - was busy doing some late night negotiating with the Bush Twins (Barbara and Jenna) to act as official spokeswomen for his upcoming VaJanuary campaign.
- Gerry - enjoyed watching and re-watching TIVO'd episodes of Real Housewives of New Jersey
The activities of the rest of the team will all be included in the January 2012 issue of the Canadian Journal of Interesting Things. I’m sure we’re all looking forward to picking it up.
